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How to Put In Eye Drops the Chinese Torture
Way
If you know anything about Chinese torture (and who doesn't?)
then you'll know the old style of water boarding was actually
called the "Chinese Water Torture". Instead of thinking
that you were going to die quickly, the Chinese water torture
involved one drip at a time falling into your eye for hours on
end until you wished you were dead.
Now, this is exactly how I recommend that you put in eye drops.
If you have an eyelash fallen into your eye, a piece of dirt,
grass, kangaroo tail or sock puppet accident then this will work.
Hold the eye drops at arms length and then squeeze the whole
bottle one drip at a time into your eye, the good eye that is,
not the one with the obstruction in it. This will make you hurt
like a Mutha and forget about your bad eye.
As a substitute for saline which is basically diluted salt water
that the manufacturers use as artificial tears or eye drips, you
can also use a firehouse, fire extinguisher, water cannon, the
Old Faithful Geyser or skunk juice.
Once you've squeezed all the juice out of Pepe le pew and are
violently angry then it's time to check out how
to fry a skunk and vent your rage in this safe and harmless
manner.
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