If you want to learn how to text like a pro then you've come to the right place. Well, sort of the right place since most of this page is written in text, so that's a start.

Now, if you have a cell phone then you're halfway there in learning how to text like a professional texter. If you don't have a cell phone then run out and get one. I meant now. Right now.

Don't even finish reading this until you've gone out and gotten a cell phone.

Good, you're back. Now, that you have a cell phone you need to read the instructions. Yes, now. Don't make me go through this again.

Once you've actually read the instructions, you'll see that you don't need me to tell you what to do anymore. The information on how to text is in your cell phone instruction booklet. Yes, it is. Yes it is.

I know you are but what am I? Anyway, if somehow you've eaten the instructions, then most likely you aren't bright enough to learn how to text. Then again, maybe you are so read on.

Most cell phones either have a keypad or they don't. If they don't then texting is more difficult since you need to use the number pad and most numbers have several little tiny letters on them. These are the letters you will use for texting. Your cell phone will have a way to go forward or backwards with these letters.

If you have a cell phone with a keypad and don't know how to text using it, either you do not know how to speak English, you've spoken it on occasion but don't know what you're doing with it, or you are a four year old, have your parents cell phone and somehow came to this page because one of your parents had bookmarked it.

Anyhow, most cell phone plans require you to sign up for texting service before you are allowed to send text messages. Many cell phones can receive texting but cannot send them without this service turned on.

Depending upon your cell phone plan texting can be cheap or very expensive, so be sure to read the fine print. Then again, if you had read the fine print in your cell phone owners manual you'd be texting right now instead of finishing reading this drivel that I am now too bored to keep typing …