How to make a website for free is a question I get very often from simple-minded people like you. Also, simple-minded people want the free website that they make to be unique. If you've been on the Internet for a while you've been to every kind of website imaginable from the minimalist Microsoft Word document converted into HTML to the all Flash website and of course just a blank screen.

Well, since you're a cheap ass, I'm going to teach you the free and easy way to create a website. The only catch is that you have to read it sideways. Quite a teaching tool, huh. I'm showing you that there still are a few creative ways to make a website for free online. Whether you learn with your walnut-sized brain is another matter - grey matter, that is.

Okay, the first thing you'll want to do is rotate your monitor 3-degrees so that you can read this wisdom. Next, you'll have to decide whether or not you'll want to create your website the traditional route or the new and easy way.

The traditional route means using tools like Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Illustrator, In-Design and a few other applications that will cost hundreds of buckaroonis apiece. Also, you need to stand on your head while designing. OR, and this is a big OR which is why I have capitalized it, you can use Wordpress.

The easiest and cheapest way in the world to create a website online is to use the free hosted version of Wordpress. If you're willing to spend about $20 per year then you can have your own domain (about $9) and a very cheap webhost, (about $10) and you have officially begun your career as a web designer. Or, and this is a small "or" you can be a blogger with your own domain name, like Sparky's blog or the Toenail Clippings blog or whatever you're into (legally into I must clarify).

Because this is a one-page tutorial on how to make a website for free I will need to cut to the chase and get to the point. If you choose Wordpress, simply go to Wordpress.com for the freely hosted website, pick a cool free template and get started. If you have your own domain name and host, then go to Wordpress.org and download the free software.

If your cheap ass host has Cpanel and Fantastico you can most likely automatically install Wordpress without downloading the software. Since you're now officially a web designer and have decided to go with your own domain name you'll need a free FTP program so you can upload your files such as images to your host. FileZilla is probably the most popular software for this. Put down your Godzilla action figure and pay attention, now.

Now whether you are doing a free hosting or cheap hosting you'll need a free Wordpress template. With the free hosting plan you have thousands to choose from. Just sign up and logon to your Wordpress account and you'll find the free templates staring you in the face. Stare back at them. They'll back down eventually.

If you have a cheap-ass hosting plan, then you'll need to go to Wordpress.org / Extend / Themes and download a suitable free Wordpress theme. Once you've picked a theme, and picked your butt, then the next thing you'll need to do is add text and after that add images.

If you have a PC, chances are that under the Start button / All Programs tab on the bottom left of your screen you'll have an application such as Windows Photo Gallery where you can do rudimentary color correction and cropping of images.

If you have the free Wordpress you'll have a button in which to upload these photos. If you have a cheap ass host, then you'll need to open up your FTP program and upload the images this way. Or, with the cheap hosted version of Wordpress you can even skip the FTP and use the upload button and the application will upload the photo for you. You may even want to shout "Ef that FTP" as you do this.

If you need clip art you can just Google "free clip art" and you'll get lots of results. Another method is that you can buy a clip art CD dirt cheap on eBay. These CD's hold thousands or even hundreds of thousands of images. Some even say they hold a bazillion while others hold a gazillion images. No matter.

Anyway, that's all for this lesson. I'm tired of teaching your goat-sticking arse how to make a website for free. Now, take what I've just said, you lazy lump of fairy dust and ninja zombie warts and get to work.