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Click Here Nimrod

How to Build a Safe Room
Don't Panic!

If you're in Tornado Alley, another high storm area, a high crime area or you've developed a nuclear bomb in your basement and you need protection from yourself and the cockroaches that may well detonate it, then you may just need a safe room.

Don't Panic! I will talked you through just how to build a safe room so when doom and gloom comes your way, you will not be harmed. Some also call a safe room a panic room but for the purposes of this "how-to" article we are going to call it your "Happy Place".

Now why would we call it that? Because when an F5 two mile wide tornado blows across the plains and plain flattens your house to smithereens, you and your family will survive in a comfortable hole beneath your home that the late Saddam Hussein would have approved.

Some safe rooms are storm shelters and some are built to keep the bad guys at bay. So, we will talk about how to build a safe room that will keep bad ass tornadoes that wield knives, guns and flying cows from battering you like Chris Brown on a hot summer night.

The supplies you will need are:

  Wooden planks
Pickup truck
Odds and ends

So, perhaps the easiest way to go about building a safe room is to first acquire a room that is already a safe. Let me explain. When two mile wide tornadoes pass through Oklahoma and other states, what is left among the debris are in-ground tornado shelters and above-ground bank safes.

So, the easiest way to build a safe room is not to build one at all (psych). Acquire it. Wait for an F5 to pass through town, blow away the bank, except for the vault that is left standing.

Now, bring your pickup truck and pick it up using the wooden planks. Secure it in place with the planks, hammer, nails, odds and ends and Whatchamacallits.

Bring it home and put it in your backyard. Put an electrical fence around it so that no one tries to steal it back. Decorate it with pictures of tornadoes and your kid's drawings from school. Put an icemaker in the door. And then bury it underground.



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