Not many people want to know how to pickup a drug habit. This makes you special since you're one of the few who do. Picking up a drug habit is not as difficult as it sounds.

With a little bit of practice anyone can do it. It's like taking pictures or writing a short story. Anyone can do it, but few do it well. The same is true for acquiring a drug habit.

Some people take drugs occasionally but don't get hooked. Some regularly take drug on the weekends recreationally and they don't get a substance abuse problem. These people we call "lightweights".

In order to pickup a drug habit you have to go all the way, so that not even a year in an inpatient rehab facility will save your sorry butt plug.

The top way to pickup a drug habit is to start at the very beginning and don't skip any steps along the way.

The Top 20 Steps to Picking Up a Drug Habit include:

1. start with an unhappy childhood
2. during holidays go over to that one uncle that you're supposed to stay away from and strike up a conversation when no one else is around
3. keep the secret of whatever he does to you forever
4. let the secret fester in your belly
5. when feelings come up, stuff them down
6. when there is an elephant in the living room shoot it with a tranquilizer dart
7. When the 800 pound gorilla appears, zap it with a stun gun
8. if and when anyone confronts you over the years about the fact that you may be an alcoholic, drug addict or both, turn the tables on them and show them their weaknesses
9. Don't let go and let god
10. Hold on with a tight grip and don't let go
11. Control until death do you part
12. Start using drugs recreationally at first to see which ones you like best
13. Pick a drug of choice
14. Make a friend of several dealers so that you can get the cheapest price
15. Shop around on the Internet, especially Craigslist where getting caught has higher odds
16. Strive to get caught and not get caught at the same time
17. In fact, strive to be conflicted about every action and every decision you make
18. Have the discipline to use drugs even when you don't want to
19. Remember that athletes have to train to achieve their goals and you have to train also to pickup your drug habit
20. No pain, no gain, so get going champ and pickup your drug habit today

There you go. You were perhaps expecting some anti-drug speech somewhere along the line? You thought I was going to bushwhack you with don't "don't do drugs" nonsense. I've just taught you the quickest and easiest way to pickup a drug habit. So, what are you waiting for? Are you not up for all the tedious work involved? Just get started and everything will turn out fine. You'll see.