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Click Here Nimrod

How to Make Chloroform

Perhaps you have a spouse or loved one that is getting upon your nerves. Suppose your boss is micromanaging you. Well, then you may just have a legitimate reason for learning how to make chloroform using household materials.

Of course any how-to article wouldn't be complete without a supplies list:

 

Supplies

Acetone
Water
Pitcher
Ice
Shock powder
Picture of Mel Gibson
Plant food
Chia Pet

First, call Hazmat to come get your acetone and shock powder as you won't need it for this experiment. Second, put the ice and water in a pitcher. Tape the picture of Mel Gibson on the wall upside down. Third, pour plant food in the pitcher (not picture). And then pour the water, ice and plant food on the Chia Pet. If the Chia Pet also looks like Mel Gibson you get extra points.

Wait two days for the shock and awe effect to occur and the Chia Pet to bloom fully. Harvest the "hair" of the pet. Put this in a household blender. Hold to nose. If this smells like chloroform then it is working. If you faint it's really working. If the neighborhood faints you've gone too far.

Wait, in my ear bud my producer is telling me, that I've just told you how to make chlorophyll and not chloroform. Sorry about that.

Okay, so the quickest way to knock out your spouse is this. Eat a large Mexican Meal, lots of beans. Wait till they fall asleep. Pull up the covers and let an F5 tornado of methane gas fly like the wind. Show no mercy. When your body is drained like a bunch of deflated balloons in a porcupine factory, it is time to stop. Peek under covers. Make sure your spouse does not have weapons. Say, "Sayonara." Run for the hills.


Fail

If spouse does this to you first.


Best Case Scenario

They will never know what hit them.

 

References:

Butts, I.C. (1971).The analysis of the self: A systematic approach to the psychoanalytic treatment of gaseous household ass anomalies. New York: International Universities Press.

Strunk, W., Jr., & White, E. B. & Psy (1979). The elements of gangnam style. (3rd ed.). New
York: Macmillan.

 


 
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