Many people wonder how to hire a lawyer who won't end up screwing you in the end. For instance when you hire a lawyer, they are supposed to be looking out for your best interests, right?

But, then you get the first bill and see of all the little charges itemized such as $25 for abnormally long yawning, or scratching butt for $15.55. Thinking about your case while addressing a case of sphincter itch may run you over $50 and this is on top of the hourly rate that runs in the hundreds of dollars that your attorney is actually doing their job.

Now, how do you hire a lawyer who will simply do their job without gouging you for every little habit that normal people do without charging? You hire another lawyer to oversee the first lawyer.

Yes, this may be a bit expensive, but well worth it. Of course, you'll have to hire another lawyer to oversee the second lawyer as a watchdog to make sure that attorney isn't overbilling you as well.

And, of course, you'll need to keep hiring lawyers ad finitum to make sure you're whole legal team is towing the line. So, by now you've realized that when you asked "How do I hire a lawyer that won't screw me?" you've been asking the wrong question.

The right question is how to retaliate against your lawyer (who you know will end up screwing you) in a way that has plausible deniability. Constipation medication inside of a basket of baked goods is one method.

Also, letting the attorney know right up front that you have "issues with stalking" is another favorite in regard to a preemptive strike. No matter what you'll eventually have to bend over and take a proctological exam. But, knowing you already have some consequences lined up will give you a little peace of mind.