How to Draw Flames
Artists over the past 50 years have wanted to know how to draw
flames. Many lame artists have asked this question and my answer
is that trying to draw flames will not work for you. Or will it?
Yes, only artists who have a magnetic personality can be taught
how to draw flames. If you have this kind of personality then
read on and if not, then drop off.
Side Note: if you want to draw fire simply put on an
O. J. Simpson mask and run out in front of any firing range.
Now, back to the task at hand. Drawing flames is not difficult
once you know the trick. First you will need paper and an assorted
set of drawing devices in the yellow to red spectrum such as colored
pencils, markers, paints or some other coloring medium.
For our purposes here let's use either paints that are flammable
or colored pencils that have been soaked overnight in gasoline.
Let's also imagine doing our artwork around a campfire at night
(what are you against campfires? I guess you are against boy scouts
and girl scouts as well?).
Yet, I digress in the fetal position. So, let's get back on track.
We are at a campfire at night staring at the fire with our paper
and coloring medium. We are trying to learn how
to draw with the middle sides of our brains. Our magnetic
personalities engage the bears and wolves to ethereally draw themselves
to the fire. Oh, yes, some fart brains are in the woods, too.
In fact, the bears and wolves get way too close to camp, scare
you and you instinctively move nearer to the fire. It is here
my friend where your gasoline soaked pencils or flammable paints
will start to draw flames. In fact, you may catch on fire yourself.
Yet, desist! Desist!
If you don't, you may run around like a namby pamby shouting
about the flames hurting you and such. Because of your magnetic
personality the bears and wolves will disregard the fire and rip
and shred your skin.
There will be a dance of the predators and prey around the campfire
light. You will now know how to draw flames using your magnetic
personality (and a few flammable art supplies) and life and death
will now be in the hands of nature.
If you survive you will have learned how to draw flames towards
you like a pro. If not, then you've made one bear very happy.