How to Cure Herpes
( Like Celebrities Do It)
Many people want to know how to cure herpes instantly with no
mess, no fuss and no bother. Now you don't have to be a celebrity
like Liza Minnelli or Robin Williams to be bitten by the herpes
bug. All you have to do is have consensual relations with Sarah
Palin's private moose, named Oscar.
But, I digress. So, I shall forthwith give you the short answer
on how to cure herpes instantly. Many people (celebrities included)
will get prescription medication, use a flamethrower or enlist
a voodoo doctor. This is all nonsense.
As in curing a ham, the only items you will need to cure herpes
is salt, sugar, honey and saltpeter. If you're a guy you'll see
right away the irony of saltpeter. Anywho, just mix this concoction
in a mixing bowl on low vibration for two minutes, and then smear
it all over the affected area.
Let it set for 1/2 hour. Next place your affected parts in the
oven preheated to 350 degrees for 414 ½ hours. When the
herpes virus is crying Uncle like a little girly-man you are cured.
Note: Don't try this at home! Only try under the supervision
of your physician.